Paul Benedetti has a good job, a great family, and successful neighbours — but that doesn’t stop him from using it all as grist for a series of funny, real, and touching essays about a world he can’t quite navigate. Family life, marriage, kids, new experiences — he's written about them all, both funny and heartbreaking. Read More
Paul Benedetti has a good job, a great family, and successful neighbours — but that doesn’t stop him from using it all as grist for a series of funny, real, and touching essays about a world he can’t quite navigate. Family life, marriage, kids, new experiences — he's written about them all, both funny and heartbreaking. Read More
Hamilton Spectator columnist Paul Benedetti’s essays paint a wonderfully funny portrait of family life today.
Paul Benedetti has a good job, a great family, and successful neighbours — but that doesn’t stop him from using it all as grist for a series of funny, real, and touching essays about a world he can’t quite navigate.
Benedetti misses his son, who is travelling in Europe, misplaces his groceries, and forgets to pick up his daughter at school. He endures a colonoscopy and vainly attempts to lower his Body Mass Index — all with mixed results. He loves his long-suffering wife, worries about his aging parents and his three children, who seem to spend a lot of time battling online trolls, having crushes on vampires, and littering their rooms with enough junk to start a landfill.
Details
Price: $17.99
Pages: 256
Carton Quantity: 32
Publisher: Dundurn Press
Imprint: Dundurn Press
Publication Date: 14th March 2017
Trim Size: 6 x 9 in
ISBN: 9781459738119
Format: Paperback
BISACs: HUMOR / Form / Anecdotes & Quotations HUMOR / Topic / Marriage & Family HUMOR / Form / Essays
Reviews
This charming and hilarious volume will entertain readers at any stage of their lives.
- Hamilton Magazine
Many of the 90 mini-essays in Paul Benedetti’s You Can Have a Dog When I’m Dead are very funny. Others are compassionate, clever, rueful, or tender. Sometimes there’s even an outbreak of wisdom — all of which means that in its swift snapshots, the collection contains plenty of the sweetnesses, sorrows and, not least, the jollities of actual life.
- Joan Barfoot, author of Luck and Critical Injuries
Paul Benedetti has an uncanny ability to look at the small things and see the big picture — or the big things and find the small truth. In the spirit of the great Gary Lautens, he introduces you to family, neighbourhood and real life. You will laugh out loud and you will quietly weep. And you will enjoy every word.
- Roy MacGregor, author of Home Team: Fathers, Sons and Hockey
Well-written and organized in a short and simple way, You Can Have a Dog When I’m Dead is most certainly a book that was made to take along with you on vacation or even for a weekend at the cottage.
- Words of Mystery
Author Bio
Paul Benedetti is an award-winning journalist, author, and writer. His essays have appeared in the Globe and Mail, Canadian Living, Reader’s Digest, and regularly in the Hamilton Spectator, where he has a widely read Saturday column. He has won the Ontario Newspaper Award for Humour Writing and Canada’s National Newspaper Award for Best Short Feature, and he teaches journalism at the University of Western Ontario. Paul lives in Hamilton, Ontario.
Table of Contents
Introduction
1 My Kingdom for a Good Night’s Sleep 2 Handy? Me? Well, I Do Have a Toolbox … 3 Want a Lift to the Gym? 4 Hospital Daze: What I Learned This Summer 5 Brotherly Love 6 Underwear? Under the Tree, of Course! 7 “It’s Not Muskoka” 8 Celebrating Two Very Different Lives 9 Once, Twice, Three Times a Birthday 10 Bon Voyage to a Son and His Childhood 11 A Taste of Something Bitter 12 Two Gallons of Losing My Mind, Please 13 At the End, a Week-Long Celebration of Life 14 Being There 15 “But What’s Going to Happen to My Stuff?” 16 Dad’s Christmas Was About Family, Not Turkey 17 Lessons on Living 18 “What Do You Have in Mind, Dear?” 19 What, Me Forgetful? 20 The Lawn and Short of It: I Don’t Care 21 Looking Mortality in the Eye 22 The Non-Golfer Cooks in Myrtle Beach 23 The Confusing Gap Between What They Say and What I Hear 24 A Graduation That’s About Triumph and Courage 25 Memories of Dad Can Bring Tears 26 Going, Going Lawn 27 Fall Fair Affair 28 There’s Always a Part of You That Feels Eighteen 29 A Celebration of Life 30 Anybody Know Where My Meat Went? 31 The Letter 32 Memories Spring Up in My Garden 33 A Thule and His Sanity Are Soon Parted 34 The Man Who Cleared Out the West 35 Ah, Cottage Life … A Second Home to Care For 36 Hunting the Wild Tinsel and Other Traditions 37 A Gift of Long-Remembered Music 38 The Worst Angler Ever 39 When I Put On His Ring, I Think of Him 40 Paul Puts the Pro in Procrastination 41 An Empty Chair at the Dinner Table 42 There’s a Useless Antique in My House 43 I’m a Father. I Worry. 44 She Fell, Yes. But She Is Not Falling. 45 Keeping Our Kids “Safe” Inside Is, as Scientists Say, “Stupid” 46 Cottaging by the (Wet) Seat of My Pants 47 The Journey Is Half the Fun. Isn’t It? 48 Missing Matt 49 The (Old) Boys Decide to Hit the Town … 50 140-Character Witticisms 51 Old Underwear Is No Accident 52 Our New Christmas: Different, but in Many Ways the Same 53 A Low-Res Year 54 And These Are My Children … Venti, Grande, and Tall 55 Love Beyond Our Imperfections 56 The Penny Drops on Mother’s Day 57 Giving a Whole New Meaning to “Couch Surfing” 58 The Basement That Stole Christmas 59 My Wife, the Socks Maniac 60 It’s a Be-Mine Field 61 Dazed and Confused in the Grocery Aisle 62 The Great Escape: What’s Wrong with My House? 63 Who Knew They Were Listening? 64 My Mother: She Was Not Special … But She Was 65 Seawalls, Coffee Shops, and Used Books 66 Anchors Away 67 #youknowyouareoldwhen 68 Letting Go, One Child at a Time 69 Schnapps and Skinny Suits 70 Next Time, It’s the Full Mullet 71 “The Twelve Ways of Christmas” 72 Party Like It’s 1970-Something 73 It’s Been a Year: Food, Family, and Friends Have a Wonderful Healing Power 74 Your Dad Does Not Want a New Necktie 75 Every Gardener Needs a Handy Wood Man 76 September Is the Real New Year 77 There’s No Retirement in My Future 78 If Pepperoni is DEATH, I’ll Take the Risk 79 The Soundtrack of My Life 80 A Look Back at 2015, Benedetti Style 81 Grey Hair and Baggy Face? How Did This Happen? 82 Zip Up. Pull Down Handle. 83 Of Suits, Sadness, and Seasons 84 These Beers Are a Little Too Crafty 85 Things My Father Told Me 86 Convocation Miscalculation 87 Whatever Boat You Float, Fishing Is Fun 88 Do I Need to Get a Man Bag? 89 School Daze 90 Reflections on the Long Road of Parenting
Hamilton Spectator columnist Paul Benedetti’s essays paint a wonderfully funny portrait of family life today.
Paul Benedetti has a good job, a great family, and successful neighbours — but that doesn’t stop him from using it all as grist for a series of funny, real, and touching essays about a world he can’t quite navigate.
Benedetti misses his son, who is travelling in Europe, misplaces his groceries, and forgets to pick up his daughter at school. He endures a colonoscopy and vainly attempts to lower his Body Mass Index — all with mixed results. He loves his long-suffering wife, worries about his aging parents and his three children, who seem to spend a lot of time battling online trolls, having crushes on vampires, and littering their rooms with enough junk to start a landfill.
Price: $17.99
Pages: 256
Carton Quantity: 32
Publisher: Dundurn Press
Imprint: Dundurn Press
Publication Date: 14th March 2017
Trim Size: 6 x 9 in
ISBN: 9781459738119
Format: Paperback
BISACs: HUMOR / Form / Anecdotes & Quotations HUMOR / Topic / Marriage & Family HUMOR / Form / Essays
This charming and hilarious volume will entertain readers at any stage of their lives.
– Hamilton Magazine
Many of the 90 mini-essays in Paul Benedetti’s You Can Have a Dog When I’m Dead are very funny. Others are compassionate, clever, rueful, or tender. Sometimes there’s even an outbreak of wisdom — all of which means that in its swift snapshots, the collection contains plenty of the sweetnesses, sorrows and, not least, the jollities of actual life.
– Joan Barfoot, author of Luck and Critical Injuries
Paul Benedetti has an uncanny ability to look at the small things and see the big picture — or the big things and find the small truth. In the spirit of the great Gary Lautens, he introduces you to family, neighbourhood and real life. You will laugh out loud and you will quietly weep. And you will enjoy every word.
– Roy MacGregor, author of Home Team: Fathers, Sons and Hockey
Well-written and organized in a short and simple way, You Can Have a Dog When I’m Dead is most certainly a book that was made to take along with you on vacation or even for a weekend at the cottage.
– Words of Mystery
Paul Benedetti is an award-winning journalist, author, and writer. His essays have appeared in the Globe and Mail, Canadian Living, Reader’s Digest, and regularly in the Hamilton Spectator, where he has a widely read Saturday column. He has won the Ontario Newspaper Award for Humour Writing and Canada’s National Newspaper Award for Best Short Feature, and he teaches journalism at the University of Western Ontario. Paul lives in Hamilton, Ontario.
Introduction
1 My Kingdom for a Good Night’s Sleep 2 Handy? Me? Well, I Do Have a Toolbox … 3 Want a Lift to the Gym? 4 Hospital Daze: What I Learned This Summer 5 Brotherly Love 6 Underwear? Under the Tree, of Course! 7 “It’s Not Muskoka” 8 Celebrating Two Very Different Lives 9 Once, Twice, Three Times a Birthday 10 Bon Voyage to a Son and His Childhood 11 A Taste of Something Bitter 12 Two Gallons of Losing My Mind, Please 13 At the End, a Week-Long Celebration of Life 14 Being There 15 “But What’s Going to Happen to My Stuff?” 16 Dad’s Christmas Was About Family, Not Turkey 17 Lessons on Living 18 “What Do You Have in Mind, Dear?” 19 What, Me Forgetful? 20 The Lawn and Short of It: I Don’t Care 21 Looking Mortality in the Eye 22 The Non-Golfer Cooks in Myrtle Beach 23 The Confusing Gap Between What They Say and What I Hear 24 A Graduation That’s About Triumph and Courage 25 Memories of Dad Can Bring Tears 26 Going, Going Lawn 27 Fall Fair Affair 28 There’s Always a Part of You That Feels Eighteen 29 A Celebration of Life 30 Anybody Know Where My Meat Went? 31 The Letter 32 Memories Spring Up in My Garden 33 A Thule and His Sanity Are Soon Parted 34 The Man Who Cleared Out the West 35 Ah, Cottage Life … A Second Home to Care For 36 Hunting the Wild Tinsel and Other Traditions 37 A Gift of Long-Remembered Music 38 The Worst Angler Ever 39 When I Put On His Ring, I Think of Him 40 Paul Puts the Pro in Procrastination 41 An Empty Chair at the Dinner Table 42 There’s a Useless Antique in My House 43 I’m a Father. I Worry. 44 She Fell, Yes. But She Is Not Falling. 45 Keeping Our Kids “Safe” Inside Is, as Scientists Say, “Stupid” 46 Cottaging by the (Wet) Seat of My Pants 47 The Journey Is Half the Fun. Isn’t It? 48 Missing Matt 49 The (Old) Boys Decide to Hit the Town … 50 140-Character Witticisms 51 Old Underwear Is No Accident 52 Our New Christmas: Different, but in Many Ways the Same 53 A Low-Res Year 54 And These Are My Children … Venti, Grande, and Tall 55 Love Beyond Our Imperfections 56 The Penny Drops on Mother’s Day 57 Giving a Whole New Meaning to “Couch Surfing” 58 The Basement That Stole Christmas 59 My Wife, the Socks Maniac 60 It’s a Be-Mine Field 61 Dazed and Confused in the Grocery Aisle 62 The Great Escape: What’s Wrong with My House? 63 Who Knew They Were Listening? 64 My Mother: She Was Not Special … But She Was 65 Seawalls, Coffee Shops, and Used Books 66 Anchors Away 67 #youknowyouareoldwhen 68 Letting Go, One Child at a Time 69 Schnapps and Skinny Suits 70 Next Time, It’s the Full Mullet 71 “The Twelve Ways of Christmas” 72 Party Like It’s 1970-Something 73 It’s Been a Year: Food, Family, and Friends Have a Wonderful Healing Power 74 Your Dad Does Not Want a New Necktie 75 Every Gardener Needs a Handy Wood Man 76 September Is the Real New Year 77 There’s No Retirement in My Future 78 If Pepperoni is DEATH, I’ll Take the Risk 79 The Soundtrack of My Life 80 A Look Back at 2015, Benedetti Style 81 Grey Hair and Baggy Face? How Did This Happen? 82 Zip Up. Pull Down Handle. 83 Of Suits, Sadness, and Seasons 84 These Beers Are a Little Too Crafty 85 Things My Father Told Me 86 Convocation Miscalculation 87 Whatever Boat You Float, Fishing Is Fun 88 Do I Need to Get a Man Bag? 89 School Daze 90 Reflections on the Long Road of Parenting
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Hello. I am Homeless. Soon your head will be my home.
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Therefore, I am inside of you now. Living inside you.
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Often, when we need to mark where we’ve got to in a book, we bend back the page or reach for an old receipt, but there’s a particular pleasure in having a robust and elegant bookmark to hand.
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