Ya no quiero ser valiente (Novela Crimen Real) / I Don't Want to Be Brave Anymore (True Crime Novel)

An NPR Best Book of the Year ● An Oprah Daily Best Book of the Summer ● A Chicago Review of Books Must-Read Book of the Month

Acclaimed author Sarah Gerard turns her keen observational eye and penetrating prose to the 2016 murder of her friend Carolyn Bush, examining the multi-faceted reasons for her death―personal and societal, avoidable and inevitable.

“Sarah Gerard redefines true crime in this poignant tribute to her friend . . . using in-depth reporting to expose the privilege and misogyny at the heart of this case.” —NPR

“Astonishing. . . . What stuns about Carrie Carolyn Coco is . . . the intricate ways in which Sarah Gerard unravels poison in the dark corners of Carolyn Bush’s world: a fancy liberal arts college with a chilling history of violence; the violence in Bush’s everyday existence; the web of people who are willing to stand up for Bush’s murderer, some with dubious motives.” ―Esmé Weijun Wang, New York Times bestselling author of The Collected Schizophrenias

On the night of September 28, 2016, twenty-five-year-old Carolyn Bush was brutally stabbed to death in her New York City apartment by her roommate Render Stetson-Shanahan, leaving friends and family of both reeling. In life, Carolyn was a gregarious, smart-mouthed aspiring poet, who had seemingly gotten along well with Render, a reserved art handler. Where had it gone so terribly wrong?

This is the question that has plagued acclaimed author Sarah Gerard and driven her obsessive pursuit to understand this horrific tragedy. In Sarah’s exploration of Carolyn’s life and death, she spent thousands of hours interviewing Carolyn's and Render’s friends and family, poring over court documents and news media, reading obscure writings and internet posts, and attending Carolyn’s memorials and Render’s trial.

What emerged from Sarah’s relentless instinct to follow a story and its characters to their darkest ends is a book that is at once a striking homage to Carolyn’s life, a chilling excavation of a brutal crime, and a captivating whydunit with a shocking conclusion.