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We all want our relationships to be healthy—but who knows how to make that happen? Husband and wife authors Steve and Angie McCord, a couple with more than twenty years in recovery each, share with you the sound advice and spiritual exercises that have helped their own relationship grow and thrive.
In A Spiritual Path to a Healthy Relationship you will learn effective tools and solutions for achieving the relationship you desire, including:
- Envisioning the qualities you want in a mate and identifying "must haves" and "deal breakers"
- Transitioning from self-reliance to partnership
- Overcoming relationship fears and getting past intimacy roadblocks
- Nurturing positive communication, gratitude, and spiritual connection
- Applying prayer and meditation for a more peaceful relationship
Steve McCord is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has provided counseling to individuals, couples, and families since 1991. Angie McCord is a certified life coach specializing in personal and professional relationships. They bring their avid quest for spiritual growth to their professional lives and have been actively involved in the recovery community for more than twenty and thirsty years, respectively. As leaders of couples retreats, they find great joy in mentoring others. Steve and Angie were married on March 30, 2003.
Steve and Angie have written an engaging, honest, and practical book based in the 'experience, strength, and hope' they have gained in their life together. For singles hoping to find a partner, for those wounded by too many relationship gone awry, or for couples looking to develop deeper and healthier relationship, this book will provide insight and many opportunities to learn. The voice of Angie and Steve, the prayer and the exercises that conclude many chapters, provide not only wisdom but a path to action. —Mary Cross, PhD
With rigorously honest good humor, Angie and Steve McCord have let us in on the intimate process of surrendering to love and learning how to give the way our partners need. Any recoverying person could benefit from the deep insights gleaned from these pages. A loving read and a lovable experience. —Judi Hollis, PhD, Creator of the nation's first eating disorders unit, Author of Fat Is a Family Affair, Fat & Furious, Hot & Heavy, and From Bagels to Buddha
I would recommend this wonderful book for any two partners who are setting out on this great journey of healing and recovery and want to learn how to do it together. —Peter K. Canavan, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist
Longing for a fulfilling romantic partnership leaves us famished for true success stories. I deeply appreciate Steve and Angie's revelations of the specific practices that helped them to evolve as individuals. This practical book demonstrates how a fierce commitment to our own personal growth readies us for a delightful, life-enhancing relationship to unfold. —Linda Bloom, Co-author of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last and Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love
Angie McCord is a certified life coach specializing in personal and professional relationships. She is a retired Chief of Human Resources for the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office. Throughout her extensive career, she has been recognized for her expertise in the areas of training and employee development, employee relations, performance management, classification, and recruitment.
INTRODUCTION
PART I
WHAT IT WAS LIKE: FROM DESOLATION TO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”
1. ANGIE’S STORY
Looking for love in all the wrong places until my real “Prince Charming” arrived
2. STEVE’S STORY
From hurting to helping to healing
3. REFLECTIONS FOR THE “TERMINALLY SINGLE”
Affirmations for identifying desired qualities in a mate
4. FROM SEEKING THE RIGHT PERSON TO BECOMING THE RIGHT PERSON From self-centeredness to centered selfness
5. RELATIONSHIP WISH LIST
Daring to dream: visioning qualities you want in a relationship
6. DO YOU WANT A LIFE PARTNER?
Daring to hope it is possible
7. OVERCOMING FEAR
Two wolves—which will you feed?
8. INFATUATION OR INTIMACY
A bird may love a fish, but where would they live? Reflections on areas of compatibility
9. MY MAGIC, MAGNIFYING MIND
What I like about you
10. CONFUSION OF NEEDS AND THE THREE CIRCLES OF SELF-AWARENESS Honestly facing and discussing “must haves” and “deal breakers”
11. THERE ARE NO RULES
Baby steps from self-reliance to partnership
12. SPIRITUAL, PROSPEROUS, AND FUN
Happy, joyous, and free—not glum
13. THE WHOLE PACKAGE
Acceptance and commitment
14. MORE ABOUT GOD’S WILL
Turning our will and lives over, together
PART II
REALITY BITES: LIVING TOGETHER = POURING MIRACLE GROW ON CHARACTER DEFECTS
1. RESTLESS, IRRITABLE, AND DISCONTENT
Recognizing and owning our own moods and negative tendencies
2. HOW GOOD CAN YOU STAND IT?
Navigating away from the trap of self-sabotage
3. HUMILITY
For better or for worse, but not for lunch?
4. THAR SHE BLOWS
Surviving conflict
5. SPACE VS. TOGETHERNESS
More about humility
6. STILL FLAWED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Driving each other crazy (who, us, character defects?)
Baby will you drive my car?
7. AMENDS
Agreement, integrity, and trust
Personal inventory, more about the magic of admitting you are wrong
Would I rather be right or happy? How important is it, really?
8. FINANCES
Our common welfare
Money, property, besiege
9. WHEN PRINCE CHARMING SCREWS UP
We don’t leave no matter what
10. DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL AND THE FOUR R’s OF RELATIONSHIP
PART III
POSITIVE ACTION: NURTURING THE GARDEN
1. COMMUNICATION
What I heard you say is
On a scale of one to ten
What we hold sacred: Five Languages of Love
2. INTIMACY BUILDERS
Four gateways to intimacy (weekly relationship inventory meeting)
Sharing
Listening
Ten questions game
3. REINFORCING THE POSITIVE
Marriage journal, cherishing the good times
A retreat? No, it’s an advance!
Building and honoring the container
Vitamin G, the gratitude list
Attitude power
4. INSPIRATIONS FROM STEVE’S CLINICAL PRACTICE
Spiritual connection vs. emotional dependency
5. TRADITIONS AND NEW RENDITIONS
6. POWER OF PRAYER AND MEDITATION
Moving it from an individual practice into the relationship
PART IV
KEEPING THE “I” IN MARRIAGE: PRACTICING SELF-CARE (WHEN FOR “ME” = FOR “US”)
1. BACKGROUND
Overview
Spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps
Stages of change
What do you mean by spiritual path?
A clique vs. a community vs. a cult
2. WORKING OUR OWN PROGRAM
It starts with trust
Relying on a higher power, insecurity vs. faith
Sponsorship and passing it on
What I get from helping others
3. HONESTY/AUTHENTICITY
“Fake it till you make it” or “To thine own self be true”?
On being real
Grief vs. self-pity
What support looks like to me
The hero’s journey of recovery
PART V
“PASSING IT ON” AS A COUPLE
1. THEY STOOD AT THE TURNING POINT
Inspiration from other couples
Knowing when to quit
2. COUPLES COMMUNITY
No power, no music
Couples meetings
3. SUMMARY
APPENDIX I
TRADITIONS FOR COUPLES
APPENDIX II
SAMPLE MEETING FORMAT
COUPLES MEETING FORMAT