Some error occured while loading the Quick View. Please close the Quick View and try reloading the page.
Ever felt like you are on the outside looking in? Or that nobody wants more than a quick sexual hookup? You are not alone.
With our forced separation during the pandemic and the inescapable influence of modern demands and technologies, people are often lonelier than they care to admit. And queer men are no exception. From internalized stigma to the complexities of navigating the world as an invisible minority, they are confronted with unique challenges that can leave them struggling when trying to make healthy and durable connections.
Drawing on his own experience and research, registered psychotherapist Vincent Francoeur delves into the issues with which queer men must grapple and provides ten practical strategies for building meaningful relationships and fostering a sense of belonging. With his supportive words and empathetic approach, Francoeur offers readers the tools to ensure no one finds themselves alone at the party again.
I appreciate how clearly Alone at the Party captures an experience so many queer men struggle to name. Vincent Francoeur challenges readers to let go of perfection and instead develop the habits, risks, and repetitions that make real relationships possible.
This book offers something rare: the feeling of being truly seen, alongside practical tools for understanding and changing the patterns that keep us disconnected. It reminds us to tap into the brave, determined, unapologetically creative energy that has always helped queer people build lives, relationships, and communities that reflect who we are rather than who we're expected to be.
Alone at the Party took me with surprising force. I doubt there’s a queer man out there who won’t see himself on every page of this insightful analysis told with care, compassion and respect for who we are, both as individuals and as part of a greater community. Destined to be a classic.
At the heart of Alone at the Party is the importance of empathy, and, by providing the reader with, not just the usual [yet highly practical] litany of do's and don't's, but also a fictional account of a very diverse support group of queer men and others struggling with loneliness, the reader, from jump, must exercise their own empathy to follow each group member's struggle and journey, easy to do when the characters are so fully fleshed out and human. Alone at the Party is, yes, a self-help book, but it's also a wonderful narrative with full characters endeavouring toward their goals in the face of difficult obstacles. I'll wager one out two of their journeys may even look a little familiar.
Francoeur has provided a veritable roadmap away from loneliness to rival GPS. Reading Alone at the Party, I kept finding myself nodding along, saying, " Yep, mmhmm, yes, yup." He takes what we all know and feel intuitively and codifies it in a way that turns something big and scary into something compact and conquerable. Alone at the Party will give hope—and actionable advice—to any queer person feeling, well, alone at the party.
The perfect read for any queer person who's ever felt that everyone else is partying without them. And isn't that all of us? With vivid and helpful analogies, action plans and descriptions, I predict it won't be long before you hear someone in the circle talking about filling their "gas tank" or how it "takes people to meet people." Especially if I happen to be in your circle.
As community transforms into market, our lives as gay men are increasingly commodified. We compete for romance, fellowship, and belonging. Our exchange value is shaped by age, race, beauty, wealth, education, etc. No wonder so many gay men feel disconnected. Part narrative, part analysis, and part self-help volume, Alone at the Party is a practical guide to resisting the loneliness of our times.
Practical, wise, and clarifying: Alone at the Party demystifies common misunderstandings about loneliness with utmost clarity and panache. Avoiding trite answers for how to avoid and combat the devastating impacts of loneliness, this book helpfully breaks down therapeutic theories into digestible advice that everyone can follow. Francoeur explores topics like shame, internalized stigma, and social media while exploring how LGBTQ+ history (like the HIV/AIDS epidemic) has impacted how we queers show up in the world in healthy and unhealthy ways, in addition to tracing how and why sex, youth, power, and beauty shape our communities today. This guidebook is a must for anyone trying to figure out how to find meaningful connections with other queers platonically, romantically, sexually, and beyond.
- Preface
- Introduction
- Part One: Ten Reasons Queer Men Feel Lonely
- 1 The Different Types of Loneliness
- 2 The Different Types of Interactions
- 3 The Queer Male Life Path
- 4 Internalized Stigma and Discrimination
- 5 Social Skills
- 6 Seeking Community in the Scene
- 7 Longing and Wanting More
- 8 Autism and Other Forms of Neurodivergence
- 9 Sexuality and Intimacy
- 10 Phones and Social Media
- Part Two: Ten Tips to Help Deal with Loneliness
- 11 Tip 1: Find the Right Activity for the Right Type of Loneliness
- 12 Tip 2: Focus on the Things You Love and Make Them Social
- 13 Tip 3: Create Your Own Opportunities and Suggest Specific Plans
- 14 Tip 4: Work on Your Social Skills
- 15 Tip 5: Give a Second Chance, But Don’t Beat a Dead Horse
- 16 Tip 6: Create a Community That Feels Like You
- 17 Tip 7: Learn to Tolerate Loneliness; Don’t Try to Fix It in the Moment
- 18 Tip 8: You Don’t Need to Be Perfect
- 19 Tip 9: Use Phones with Intention
- 20 Tip 10: It Takes People to Meet People
- Acknowledgements
- Bibliography
- Index