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Kitty Stryker presents a collection of essays exploring the role of consent in confronting power structures in day-to-day life.
Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission?” Violating consent isn’t limited to sexual relationships, and our discussions around consent shouldn’t be, either.
To resist rape culture, we need a consent culture—and one that is more than just reactionary. Left confined to intimate spaces, consent will atrophy as theory that is never put into practice. The multi-layered power disparities of today’s world require a response sensitive to a wide range of lived experiences.
In Ask, Kitty Stryker assembles a retinue of writers, journalists, and activists to examine how a cultural politic centered on consent can empower us outside the bedroom, whether it’s at the doctor’s office, interacting with law enforcement, or calling out financial abuse within radical communities. More than a collection of essays, Ask is a testimony and guide on the role that negated consent plays in our lives, examining how we can take those first steps to reclaim it from institutionalized power.
"This is not a handbook, but a wonderful guide that suggests new ideas about social awareness and responsibility."—Claire Foster, Foreword Reviews
"A good and definitely past-due read extending the idea of consent beyond the 'yes means yes' framework, with pieces exploring, in various ways, what it means to create consent cultures in a world that is overwhelmingly coercive."—Reina Gattuso, Feministing
"Like you, I have good intentions. Like you, I know some things about consent. But I thought I knew a lot more. And if there’s one successful barometer of a book like this, it’s how many ‘a-ha’ moments it contains. If you’re anything like me you will find a lot of them in this book–some enlightening and pleasurable, many more uncomfortable and several downright horrific, especially as you realise your own crimes and also how many times your own consent has been violated. But you’ve got to start somewhere and that somewhere is here."—Louisa Leontiades, author of The Husband Swap
"The collection will prove a useful addition to the toolkit for those who are working towards not just towards sexual equality, but equity in all areas of public life."—Sofia Kaufman, Michigan Daily
"At a time when every conversation seems to be about consent (or lack thereof, rather), it’s a collection that actually adds to the discussion in crucial ways, and would prove enriching even to those who consider themselves pros at discussing sex, consent, and feminism."—Sarah Burke, Broadly
Foreword – Laurie Penny
Introduction – Kitty Stryker
IN THE BEDROOM
Sex and Love When You Hate Yourself and Don’t Have Your Shit Together – JoEllen Notte
The Legal Framework of Consent Is Worthless – AV Flox
The Political Is Personal: A Critique of What Popular Culture Teaches About Consent (and How to Fix It) – Porscha Coleman
IN THE SCHOOL
Rehearsing Consent Culture: Revolutionary Playtime – Richard M. Wright
The Power of Men Teaching Men – Shawn D. Taylor
The Green Eggs and Ham Scam – Cherry Zonkowski
IN THE JAIL
Responding to Sexual Harms in Communities: Who Pays and Who Cares? – Alex Dymock
The Kids Aren’t All Right: Consent and Our Miranda Rights – Navarre Overton
Just Passing By – Roz Kaveney
IN THE WORKPLACE
“Ethical Porn” Starts When You Pay for It – Jiz Lee
There’s No Rulebook for This – Tobi Hill-Meyer
Service with a Smile Is Not Consent – Cameryn Moore
IN THE HOME
Consent Culture Begins at Home – Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux
Bodily Autonomy for Kids – Akilah S. Richards
To Keep a Roof Over my Head, I Consented to Delaying my Transition – Laura Kate Dale
IN THE HOSPITAL
Giving Birth When Black – Takeallah Rivera
Fatphobia and Consent: How Social Stigma Mitigates Fat Women’s Autonomy – Virgie Tovar
Wrestling with Consent (and Also Other Wrestlers) – Jetta Rae
IN THE COMMUNITY
Games, Role-Playing, and Consent – Kate Fractal
Trouble, Lies, and White Fragility: Tips for White People – Cinnamon Maxxine
Sleeping with Fishes: A Skinny Dip into Sex Parties – Zev Ubu Hoffman
Sex Is a Life Skill: Sex Ed for the Neuroatypical – Sez Thomasin
Afterword – Carol Queen