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Today, 50 percent of relationships will experience infidelity. Do you know the signs? If your partner is cheating, can your relationship survive? When infidelity is exposed, your world is turned upside down. Knowing how to move forward and finding the answers to all your questions can be overwhelming and difficult. Betrayed Not Broken gives you the answers you need and guides you through the emotional process from the discovery of his betrayal to making the decision to stay or go. If you make the choice to try and restore a relationship after infidelity, some things you may want to know are: What am I allowed to ask of him so I can trust again? Should I ask him to cut off the relationship with his lover right away? How long will it take to heal from infidelity and make a decision? What can add to your confusion is wondering: Should I just forgive and forget? Is it true that "once a cheater always a cheater"? Can I ask for details about the affair? Is it cheating if he didn't have sex with her?
Betrayed Not Broken is for the woman who has experienced infidelity or thinks she might have a cheating partner. It is also for the couple wanting to repair the relationship after betrayal. This guide is written in an easy-to-follow format that gives the answers you are looking for right when you need them without any psychobabble-just clear direction. Each chapter ends with questions you can ask yourself as well as provides exercises for both you and your partner as you journey past the betrayal. It's hard to know what to do once infidelity has been revealed; Betrayed Not Broken makes it easier.
Laurel Wiers is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been in private practice for over fourteen years. She is both the owner and director of Lighthouse Counseling in Groton, Connecticut. She received her master's degree from East Carolina University while doing her internship at Duke Medical Center and has served as an instructor at multiple universities teaching courses on family relations. She has been an expert contributor to articles for both printed and online magazines such as gURL.com, careerbliss.com, naturalnews.com, and
Military Lifemagazine to name a few. She has also been interviewed on the subject of infidelity by both authors and radio personalities, including recent radio interviews by Deborah Jayne East, host of
Relationship 911on Gfem Talk Show in Atlanta, and Michael Dresser of
The Michael Dresser Show.
Introduction
Who is this book's reader?
The Problem
Why I Had to Write a Book
A Different Kind of Book on Infidelity
It works!
There is hope.
Some Thoughts before We Begin
Chapter 1 Signs, Evidence, and What to Do with It All
Inklings of Infidelity
Go with your gut.
Getting Confirmation
What is an affair, anyway?
Should I confront my betrayer?
Permission, Envision, Decision
Ask Yourself
Chapter 2 Confront or Keep Quiet
Timing
Laying It All Out There
Possible Responses
Now what?
How Things Might Turn Out
What questions am I allowed to ask?
Exercise: How to Structure an Information-Gathering Session
Ask Yourself
A Final Caution
Chapter 3 I've Been Cheated On. Now What?
It's Confirmed . . .
What's normal?
So Many Feelings
Whom to Tell
Don't rewrite history.
Grieving
DO NOT MAKE A DECISION!
Exercise: Dealing with the Questions of Others
So what's next?
Ask Yourself
Chapter 4 "You Want Me to What?"
New Rules
How Things Might Turn Out
Ask Yourself
Chapter 5 Back to a Seminormal Life
Some Common Concerns
A Caution against Becoming a Victim
What if he's staying with me just because he "has to"?
The Tricky Part of Trust (the Second Time Around)
Giving the Relationship an Honest Evaluation
Ask Yourself
Chapter 6 "How Could You!"
Who cheats?
So why do affairs happen?
What makes one relationship more vulnerable than another?
How Unspoken Expectations Can Contribute to an Affair
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
Other Contributors to Infidelity
Going Forward
Ask Yourself
Exercise: What are your ideas and expectations for love and relationships?
Chapter 7 So What Was Your Part in All This?
Envision the Conversation
Now what do we do?
What's next?
Ask Yourself
Chapter 8 Decisions and Forgiveness (Yes, It's Required)
Signs that Maybe It's Time to Go
Choosing to Stay for "the Other Reasons"
He still doesn't know what he wants.
You don't want the relationship (but thought you did).
Forgiveness (Oh, no, not that!)
Afterword The End of the Journey:
Stepping Out Together in the New Relationship You Both Have Created
About the Author
Endnotes