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If your marriage must come to an end, do it the right way—with wisdom, practicality and understanding.
What does Judaism tell you about divorce? What guidance, strength and insight can Judaism provide?
In this first-of-its-kind handbook, Perry Netter—divorcé, father, congregational rabbi and pastoral counselor—shows how wholeness can be found in the midst of separation and divorce. With a title drawn from the words of the eleventh-century biblical commentator known as Rashi, Divorce Is a Mitzvah provides practical wisdom, information and strength from a Jewish perspective for those experiencing the challenging life-transition of divorce.
Drawing on wisdom from centuries of biblical and rabbinic teachings, as well as modern psychological research, Netter offers suggestions for transitioning through the stages of separation and building a new life.
This indispensable guide for people in crisis—and the family members, friends and counselors who interact with them—shows us how to transform a traumatic time of life into one of growth, right behavior and greater spiritual understanding.
"A rich resource for Jews seeking wisdom as they face divorce. Skillfully draws upon Jewish tradition to point the way to a path of holiness and hope amidst divorce's painful terrain of sadness, anger and confusion."
—Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, editor, Jewish Pastoral Care: A Practical Handbook from Traditional and Contemporary Sources; director, Geriatric Chaplaincy Program, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College
"A highly readable explanation of the cycle of love, marriage and divorce, drawing on Judaic sources, psychology, true stories and personal experience. Reveals great truths and can enhance a stable marriage, help a marriage in crisis, and facilitate divorce if needed."
—Rabbi Levi Meier, PhD, chaplain, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center; clinical psychologist; author, Ancient Secrets: Using the Stories of the Bible to Improve Our Everyday Lives
“A unique, perceptive and constructive book about divorce. Any Jewish divorcing couple will find the wisdom and guidance in this book a great help.”
—E. M. Hetherington, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Department of Psychology, University of Virginia; author, For Better or for Worse: Divorce Reconsidered
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1 The Existential Question:Why Is This Happening to Me?
2 The Hardest Question:To Leave or Not to Leave—How Do I Decide?
3 The Guilt Question: Is Divorce Kosher?
4 The Psychological Question:What Do I Do with All This Anger?
5 The Most Painful Question: How Do We Tell the Kids?
6 The Ritual Question: How Do I Get to Closure?
7 The Awkward Question:What Do You Say?
8 The Legal Question:To Litigate or to Mediate?
9 The Most Important Question: How Do We Continue to Raise Children Together?
Epilogue
"Afterwards: New Jewish Divorce Rituals"
by Rabbi Laura Geller
English Translation of the Traditional Get
Suggestions for Further Reading