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A polyamorous black man explores the intersections of racism and polyamory and their impact on people of color navigating an already misunderstood lifestyle.
The issues that make monogamous dating daunting for people of color—shaming and exclusion by white partners, being fetishized, having realities of everyday racism ignored—occur in polyamorous relationships too, and trying “not to see race” only makes it worse. To make polyamorous communities inclusive, we must all acknowledge our part in perpetuating racism and listen to people of color.
Love's Not Color Blind puts forward the framework—through research, anecdotal testimony, and analogy—for understanding, identifying, and confronting racism within polyamorous communities.
“An incredible, intimate study of how white privilege, racism, and prejudice influence relationships... The stories, anecdotes, and observations that Patterson presents are not sugarcoated. His reasoning is easy to follow, and although he doesn’t spoon-feed his opinions to the audience, they are presented clearly and with compassion. Although there’s no clear step-by-step guide for dismantling systemic racism, the book’s chapters break down simple lessons in how to improve group and individual dynamics, how white people can recognize their part in perpetuating racism, and how to date ethically instead of just “collecting” partners. Love’s Not Color Blind belongs on the shelf next to The Ethical Slut. For both people of color and their allies, this is a powerful offering that dismantles myths about polyamory and builds a bridge to better understanding.”—Foreword Reviews
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Beginning Stuff…
Disclaimer One: The “Bookening…”
Disclaimer 2: Electric Boogaloo…
The Format of This Book…
Alternative Lifestyles Be Like…
Forced Ambassadorship
Presentation and the Angry Black
Intentional Communities
Why Does It Matter?
Barriers For Entry
White Feminism and Polyamory
Othering
Dating Preferences
Breakdowns In Representation aka White People Shit
Tokenism
Fetishization
Class…
Fostering Inclusivity…For White Folks
Owning Your Shit…
Don’t Pander…Engage
Intentional Planning
Joint Events
Fostering Inclusivity…For People Of Color
Show Up…Or Don’t…
Your Events Are Yours
Make Your Own Group
Start Creating 136
How I Started Creating…
Creating Around Class…
Creating Around Tokenism…
Creating Around Othering…
Creating Around Fetishization…
Too Long / Didn’t Read
Endnotes
Index