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An examination of how we live in a mononormative paradigm and how nonmonogamous people can defy the status quo.
Exploring nonmonogamy can require us to shift our worldview and deconstruct what we’ve been taught about relationship dynamics. However, it is difficult to defy paradigms while also existing within them—even as we strive to unlearn established norms, we can find ourselves unintentionally reproducing the principles of paradigms like mononormativity in our nonmonogamous relationships. In a society where monogamy is established as normal and reinforced through legal systems and cultural etiquette, this is not surprising.
By examining prevalent cultural norms and values, and presenting real-life examples of mononormativity’s impact, Marla Schreiber encourages readers to consider their own preconceptions and guides them towards effectively defying mononormativity and other intersecting paradigms.
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Part One: Concepts and Definitions Defining Nonmonogamy
OK, but We Can’t Not Talk Polyamory What’s a Paradigm?
Mononormativity: Let’s Dig In
Is It Even Mononormativity Without Couple’s Privilege?
Mononormativity Can Cause Harm
Part Two: Concepts in Action
The Trap of Toxic Positivity
Practising Takes Practice
Unlearning a Paradigm: Let’s Be Kind to Ourselves
Conflict Is Not a Four-Letter Word
A Note on Safety and Boundaries
Part Three: When Mononormativity Shows Up Uninvited
How Do We Unpack Couple’s Privilege?
What If It Feels Like Cheating?
What If My Partner Likes Someone More and Leaves Me?
What If My Partner’s Attraction to Someone Else Makes Them Less Attracted to Me?
Conclusion