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A remarkably frank memoir about interdependence, grieving, and parenting as a queer femme that doesn't leave out the messy or the erotic
Staying Power, Zena Sharman's memoir in essays, is a beautiful and honest journey of care work, grief, parenting, and chosen family in the wake of intergenerational trauma. Exploring the lessons and inheritances of being raised by survivors of complex traumas, the book challenges the notion that one must be healed in order to parent well and celebrates the transformative power of queer family-making beyond gay marriage and assimilation into the nuclear family.
The book, which recounts the author's experiences of raising three children in a four-parent queer family, asks, "If leaving has helped you survive, how do you learn to stay?" Sharman finds answers in queer kinship, femme erotics, Leatherdyke lineages, and the radical possibilities inherent in doing motherwork outside of motherhood, recognizing that sometimes you fight the thing you want most.
Staying Power is a moving, deeply personal account of one person's journey of unlearning independence through an experiment in queer collective care.
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"I've been waiting for this memoir for so many years. Sharman blows it out of the water with her honesty about being a grown-up femme daughter of a brilliant survivor artist mother; motherloss grief without the Hallmark cards; wrestling with ideas of home, partnership, kink, freedom, and family; and finally making a big queer love and family that defies easy platitudes in favour of something much more real. If you've ever been born to run but are trying to figure out how to grieve, love, and stay, this book is for you."
—Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, author of The Future Is Disabled and Care Work
"As innovative in form as it is in content, Staying Power is an intricately constructed memoir in essays that pushes against the familiar contours of life-writing, just as the queer communities at its heart push against the familiar contours of family-making. Sharman's writing is tender, filthy, and brilliant, never shying away from the hard truths of grief and trauma while always orienting us back to the world-making possibilities of queer love. This book is a portal; prepare to be transformed."
—Hannah McGregor, author of Clever Girl: Jurassic Park and A Sentimental Education
"Staying Power stands as both testament to queer resilience and celebration of the families we choose. With femme brilliance and emotional intelligence, Sharman offers a guide to building a life centered on care and community. This book is for anyone who has ever been part of a family—or just wished their mother was more like Dolly Parton."
—Ariel Gore, author of Rehearsals for Dying and The End of Eve
"Staying Power's nine essays connect grieving, kink practices, butch-femme dynamics, parenting, polyamory and personal agency, culminating in a nuanced portrait of what a non-normative queer family and life can look like ... [The book] functions as a new archive, one that acts as a memory holder and a guide for other queers struggling with the weighty issues of death, grief, agency, love, non-normative relational structures and parenting."
—Xtra
Zena Sharman (she/her) is an essayist and non-fiction writer whose work explores themes of community, identity, and care. She is the editor of several anthologies, including The Care We Dream Of and the Lambda Literary award–winning The Remedy (both Arsenal Pulp Press). Staying Power is her debut memoir. In 2026, Zena was awarded Douglas College's highest honor—Honorary Fellow—for her contribution to Canadian literature and dedication to supporting inclusive care at all stages of life. She lives on Vancouver Island.