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A moving memoir that offers a vital new perspective on adoption—from the rarely glimpsed birth mother’s point of view.
What kind of mother gives up her son? Bernadette Murphy grew up the “miracle child” of her immigrant Irish Catholic family, arriving unexpectedly after her mother’s difficulty conceiving and her parents’ adoption of her older brother. Three more siblings followed, and as her once glamorous mother sank deeper into depression, and her father struggled to support the family, Bernadette grew up quickly and cared for her brothers and sister. When Bernadette’s first love resulted in a pregnancy at age sixteen, faced with limited options and a belief, from her Catholic upbringing, that abortion was a sin, she made the impossible choice to put the baby up for adoption.
More than forty years later, Bernadette, now the mother of three grown children, was still living with deep-rooted shame and guilt, consumed by thoughts of the boy she relinquished. What did he think of her, if he thought of her at all? Was he angry, troubled, content? As she launched a desperate search for her firstborn, she began writing him letters, describing her life and explaining her decision.
At once an incisive, affecting memoir of a childhood filled with hardship and love and the story of a birth mother’s quest to find her son and forgive herself, What Kind of Mother challenges our assumptions about adoption, opening up an important conversation about family, love, and possibility.
“Searing, gutting, graceful . . . about loss and repair, hope and survival, the capaciousness of family and the humbling surprises a life can bring. This book reached the deepest parts of me, and it will stay with me for good.”—Leslie Jamison, New York Times bestselling author of The Empathy Exams
“The adoption story we’ve needed for decades. Brave, beautiful, impossible to forget.”—Minka Kelly, New York Times bestselling author of Tell Me Everything
“Murphy’s story is exquisitely rendered in sharp, crystalline prose. I suspect I will not be the only person wracked by these words, by this book.”—Kaveh Akbar, New York Times bestselling author of Martyr!
“A gorgeous story of becoming and undoing that charts how terrible loss can, over time, provide a map back to ourselves and others.”—Melissa Febos, author of Girlhood and The Dry Season
“Bernadette Murphy’s lovely, searing new memoir about the search for the baby she relinquished for adoption is not only a profound book, it’s an important one. A must read!”—Ann Hood, author of Comfort: A Journey Through Grief
“A beautifully written and deeply important memoir about adoption, loss, and the enduring force of maternal love. Bernadette Murphy writes with courage and tenderness, illuminating the ways a mother’s love survives even the most painful distances.”—Danielle Trussoni, New York Times bestselling author of Falling Through the Earth and The Fortress